Patricia's Gluten Free & Wheat Free Pizza

There was considerable discussion concerning the proper name for the Gluten-Free Cookie Federation. We almost had a Gluten-Free Pizza Federation, and even a Gluten-Free Donut Federation, but the universal appeal of cookies won out.

So, we now turn to one of the runners up: pizza. And our first entry is perhaps the most "real" gluten-free frozen pizza encountered to-date. What makes Patricia's 10" so real is that it has the doughy, greasy appeal of your better thin wheat crust Italian pizza. This is a big deal. Over the last eight years spent eating gluten-free pizzas, nothing has come close to hitting the mark of a real pizza—any pizza—as Patricia's.

It is crucial to understand the following sentence: You must cook this pizza on a solid sheet. Turn a plate upside down if you have nothing else. If you cook it directly on the oven rack you will have the worst monstrosity, massicured all over your oven. The thing will melt completely through. Completely. This is what happend to me the first time. Fortunately, some pizza drippings remained clinging to the metal rack. When I slurped the dangling tangles (hey, it's pizza!), it was clear Patricia had promise. I bought another pie and this time read and followed the cooking instructions.

MAKER: Patricia's Pizza & More (phone 1.203.606.5053)

TASTE: Doughy. Light on the tomato sauce. Sweat yeast. Greasy thin cheese, in a good way. Cheese covers the entire pizza.

TEXTURE: Chewy, gooey, fun like Hong Kong Phooey.

SIZE: 7", 10", 14". Have only encountered the 10". The Cookie Federation would be super interested in coming across the 14" which would be even more pizza jointy.

SWEETS & FATS: Average sweetness. Fats unknown.

PRICE: For the size, the most expensive out there. I paid $11 for the 10".

NOTES: Never eat the whole pizza with beans or Mexican food or you may be spending lots of time in the bathroom the next day. The pizza crust is made from, as the label says, "nutritious bean flours!"

Amy's Baked Ziti Bowls

If something looks, smells, and tastes delicious, it is delicious. These bowls are a super fast way to get some carbs stickin' to your ribs. Pop one of these frozen beauties into the microwave, cook for 5 minutes, and your whole kitchen will be smellin' like you've got yourself an in-house chef.

MAKER: Amy's

TASTE: Great tasting. Good tomato tang. Garlicky. Surprisingly, peas in a tomato sauce is beguilingly flavorful. I especially enjoy it when one of the peas lodges itself in the end of a ziti pasta.

TEXTURE: Pasta holds up well. It's firm but not al dente. Fun combination of pasta tubes, saucey sauce, and round peas.

SIZE: Far too small for a meal, even though it's 9.5 ounces. Would three to make a solid meal (and at today's price, $12).

SWEETS & FATS: Reasonably sweet. Fat level is okay, although if you ate three boxes of the stuff that'd be a different story.

PRICE: Pricey.

NOTES: Wonderful odor! Very organic! (But not 100% organic.)